Couples Therapy
Is Your Relationship Floundering?
Are you and your partner struggling to relate to each other? Does every conversation end up in an argument to the point where you’ve given up communicating? Has a breach of trust tarnished your bond and caused a rift between you?
Rather than having your partner’s unquestioned loyalty and support, lately, you may feel distant from them. Perhaps your relationship has been challenged by finances, infidelity, or differences in parenting styles. The pain and frustration you feel might be worsened by an inability to express your feelings, leading to a sense of hopelessness.
When Communication Breaks Down, Relationships Suffer
If your communication has deteriorated, you’re no longer talking about the real problem anymore. Now when your opinions differ, even over something inconsequential, your conflict usually leads to an argument. Resentment takes the place of resolution. Conversations that start amicably frequently devolve into criticism, defensiveness, or personal attacks.
As you struggle to maintain civility, maybe you choose to avoid each other instead. However, by spending less time together, you’ve drifted apart, lost intimacy, and become strangers within the relationship. If trust has taken a hit, jealousy may be getting the better of you. And if your emotional needs are no longer being met, you might seek comfort outside of the relationship.
Although you still love each other on a deep level, perhaps you’re no longer sure how to share each other’s true desires so that the relationship can flourish. Instead, you may worry that your relationship has become toxic and cannot be saved.
More than anything you want to be heard and validated by your partner and loved for who you are. Fortunately, with couples therapy, you’ll learn how to communicate your feelings and needs and get what you want out of your relationship.
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Conflicts In Relationships Don’t Always Get Resolved
Because the connection we have with our romantic partners is so significant, a lot is riding on this relationship. As the foundation of our relationship, we want our partnership to be a source of joy, security, and support. Understandably, when this relationship is out of balance, it causes us great pain.
All relationships experience challenges at some point. However, one of the major misconceptions about the problems that arise in marriage is that every conflict can be resolved. Research conducted by the creators of the Gottman Method for couples therapy found that 69 percent of couples’ conflicts have no resolution. ¹ Rather than arriving at a mutually accepted solution, couples have to find a way to get past these conflicts and learn from them.
Our Expectations About Long-Term Partnerships May Be Unrealistic
Through books, movies, and TV, our “rom-com” culture perpetuates the notion that once we meet our soulmate and fall in love, we will live happily ever after. Although this fairytale ending sounds romantic, it is a misconception that often sets us up for failure. If we skim over what it takes to maintain a committed relationship in the long term, we may unwittingly enter into a relationship with unrealistic expectations.
What’s more, many of us were never taught how to communicate effectively when we were younger. It’s possible that our caretakers didn’t talk to us about the importance of communication in relationships or, perhaps, didn’t act as positive role models. Now as adults, perhaps we skirt difficult conversations rather than risk being emotionally vulnerable with our partners.
We may avoid seeking couples counseling if we fear that admitting we need help means our relationship is doomed. On the contrary, working with a marriage therapist may be just the support you need to smooth out the wrinkles in your partnership and rediscover your emotional connection.
Couples Therapy Can Help Strengthen Your Bond
Conflict and disagreement are common, if not expected, in a relationship. Understanding how to maintain a deeply loving bond with your partner when conflicts arise takes work. That’s why learning how to communicate your needs while remaining emotionally connected is the key ingredient to a happy, satisfying, long-lasting relationship.
As a therapist, I strive to make counseling sessions a safe place where, with support and guidance, couples can resolve roadblocks in their relationship and restore trust through improved communication. By exploring how unresolved issues from the past may be present in your current relationship, you’ll be able to heal the wounds from previous relationships and learn how to set healthier boundaries with each other. Through validation, acceptance, and understanding through counseling, I aim to show you how to rediscover intimacy and deepen your relationship.
What To Expect In Sessions
At our initial counseling session, I will ask you both questions to understand the issues that you’re struggling with as a couple. As we identify your goals for couples therapy, we will come up with a treatment plan to track progress as well as explore ways to improve your emotional interactions with each other. Apart from when appropriate or when necessary to meet individually, counseling for couples will be attended together. These individual sessions allow me to receive some background and history so I will have more understanding of each of your specific needs.
In ongoing sessions, I will foster an environment of nonjudgment, where you can both express what you’re feeling without assigning shame or blame. By encouraging you to be vulnerable and honest with each other, you will gradually recognize the part each of you has played in perpetuating the cycle of disconnection. As you grow increasingly comfortable expressing your emotions, you will gain self-awareness about how you feel as well as how your partner feels.
The Modalities I Use
I use a variety of evidence-based counseling methods for couples, including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Solution-Focused Therapy, and The Gottman Method. Much like it sounds, EFT helps you better identify underlying emotions so that each of you can express yourselves more honestly and openly. For example, rather than simply describing an emotion as “angry,” you will explore other underlying emotions, such as fear or resentment, to truly understand the origins of how—and why—you feel.
By learning how to eliminate a few key behaviors that are detrimental to communication, the Gottman Method can help you slow down difficult conversations and have more constructive dialogues. This method also teaches conflict-management skills and physiological soothing techniques while exploring your shared values and ways to enhance your friendship as a couple.
If there are only one or two main problems you’re hoping to address in couples therapy, Solution-Focused therapy may be a good fit. I can help you envision the changes you want to make and develop a plan with actionable steps to accomplish your goals.
With your mutual commitment to couples therapy, I can help you strengthen your friendship, learn to communicate effectively, problem solve, compromise, validate each other, rebuild your bond, and rediscover happiness together.
But You May Wonder If Couples Therapy Will Be A Good Fit For You…
Will we be judged in marriage counseling?
If you’ve never been to couples therapy before, understandably the idea of talking about the intimate details of your marriage or relationship with a counselor makes you uncomfortable. However, most couples experience similar issues and fall into patterns that become recognizable to a skilled clinician. Although every couple is unique, I am not likely to be shocked by anything you share. I strive to be understanding and nonjudgmental without ever imposing my views on you.
Couples counseling costs too much and will probably be a waste of time.
Marriage therapy is only ever a waste of time or money if you or your partner isn’t committed to improving the relationship. However, if you both share a desire for a stronger connection and are willing to put in the work, then success is likely. Think of it this way—couples therapy may be the only time during the week that you and your partner can sit down and focus on one another. Carving out this time is extremely beneficial. The addition of a trained professional who can guide you to communicate in new ways will only increase the value of this time spent together.
I’m afraid the couples counselor will choose sides and ally with my partner.
As a skilled couples therapist, I will always remain neutral and never side with one partner over the other. Although there may be sessions when one partner is more of the focus, this usually switches in the next session. My role as an unbiased third party allows you to be vulnerable with each other and express how you truly feel. Regardless of who you may blame before entering therapy, I will remain nonjudgmental.
Investing In Your Relationship Can Have Huge Rewards
Couples counseling can be instrumental in creating a partnership that’s built on mutual respect, consideration, and trust. If you would like to find out more about couples therapy with me, please call 573-220-8366 or visit my contact page.
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